It seems to me that every day, a letter lands on the mat from the hospital. Appointments for this appointments for that, don't get me wrong the hospitals are very efficient and I know that I am in the safest possible hands. Trouble is when I do see friends and family I feel like I did when I had my children......... What I mean is, I've got nothing else to talk about. Its all about cancer and appointments, and pain and hospitals - I am sooo boring. When I had my kids it was all nappies, and birth details, albeit this was swapped with other new mums - and there is always that competition unwittingly going on of who wins the " most traumatic birth award" all the mums out there will know what I mean. We've all been there - there is always someone who had the worst time giving birth then anyone else on earth - and years later they are still going on about it.
Take for instance my mum - now bear in mind I am 46, not only has she endured the worst birth in the world having my sister, but apparently I nearly finished her off. Don't even mention the word hysterectomy in front of her because 20 odd years ago when she had " the big one" and the doctors messed it up and she nearly died blah blah. I sometime wonder if she every rings me up to ask how I am or to compare notes. Don't get me wrong I am happy for people to tell me their stories - after all some people survive terrible illnesses and I for one take my hat off to them. I'm amazed at people's courage and their complete and utter single mindedness of getting their life back together after months or even years of agony. Look at the summer when we had the Para-Olympics we, along with friends and family sat around in complete and utter amazement - at the courage and determination of the competitor's, how they won medal after medal. No doubt some of them were told they would never walk, see, etc. or even lead a normal life. I am proud to know people that have told me their stories of illnesses and how their life changed and all the wonderful things they do for good causes. Me well, I ran a marathon nearly 30 years ago - and swore I would never do another. I'm not keen on sport of any kind if I'm honest, although I have done quite a bit of it in my time. The thought of climbing a mountain - drives me to the wine bottle, and those who have parachuted - I am petrified of edges.
However, I want to give something back. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be seen as someone who is going to swing her wig in the air after completing a triathlon, or pose naked for a calender, nipple less on one side. No what I would like to do is what I am good at. Let me explain:
Now for those of you that don't know what I do for a living in 2011 I took my redundancy and set up my company after writing down all the skills I had. Some of them I realised would never make me any money like funny noises I can make with my ear, or making the best - barr none - roast potatoes, rest of my cooking is pretty average to be fair. Or the great way I can dance and throw shapes around the floor in bloody great big high heels - no the skills I had were planning, weddings and events, and weeding wardrobes, along with personal shopping. So I became a Wedding, event and image consultant and Woocandoo was born. I have over the last couple of years, planned great weddings, strange events, and I have come across the most fantastic outfits in women's wardrobes, that they couldn't see. I have saved money - one couple £5000 - on their big day, one lady made £400 from ebaying and dress agencies. All due to my determination, passion and bloody hard work. I am very proud to say that I am brilliant at my job and I love it. However, at the moment I have become " the lady with breast cancer" no one wants to hire me, as it may be too much for me, or it might be in the middle of treatment, etc etc. Before I went and had my mastectomy, I attended a few appointments with a view to creating a few events, one wedding and a couple of wardrobe weeds. Now I know its probably my own fault as I have written this blog and I have been very honest about the fact that I have breast cancer - but - I'm not dead, I still answer and look at my work emails, and I'm not going to be ill from chemo for ever. So if you are reading this and you have an outstanding job you think I may be interested in, or you have not replied to my emails or called me back after I have sent you a proposal, then as you can probably imagine I am a tad angry. The cancer does not control me. I am still the same person, I may have lost a breast, I may be bald next month and I may spend a couple of days feeling a bit pants after chemo, but I am still me. If I can't do the job, I will tell you. If it is inconvenient for me. We can always reschedule as I am not planning on dying anytime soon.
Anyway, I have decided that I am going to write to cancer charities and offer my services for free, as in masterclasses for woman who have been in the same situation as me, I have dealt with ladies that have had mastectomies in the past. So I am damn sure that I can do it now. That utter devastation when you don't feel feminine any more and you haven't a clue what to wear, how to feel sexy in front of your husband ( in your clothes ) and how to look good where people will admire you and your figure, and won't even talk to you about breast cancer. That is what I want to do. So for all you wonderful people out there that have raised money doing some energetic sport, or bared all for charity - I salute you. I may not make any money for cancer research, but I can certainly concentrate on helping woman pick up the pieces when they are at an all time low.